Thursday, 25 October 2018

How am I??

It's been a little while, but that is because I have been very busy with college, homework and revising. I've had a little time on my hands, but I've mostly spent that time trying to relax and distract my mind from the stress, so in other words I've been procrastinating by watching Netflix. But that is not what I cam here for. I came here because I feel like I need to post before I go off to the gathering this weekend, which I am very excited about. 

In college I have been learning a lot more about animals than I was last year, though I still can't decide if I like it more than last year. On a better note though, I have been taking lots of cute photos of the animals and great autumnal/sunset/sunrise photos.


As a family we took time out to go see the giants in Liverpool.

Onto a more serious note, I thought I'd let you know how I'm actually feeling at the moment. (WARNING- This may end up being a massive ramble and not make any sense to anyone, but we'll see how it goes)
At the moment in my life I feel like I am finding it very hard to juggle everything, lots of things in my life seem to be very overwhelming and stressful. I've been praying and praying and praying, and I feel like God is in it with me, but here are few rambly things I am feeling at the moment:
When I first started college this year, I really didn't like it, but I felt God just saying to me over and over that I needed to trust him, that He was there with me the whole time, and I trusted him, I still trust him, I trust him with everything, but I am finding it hard to draw closer to him. I feel like with all the stress and overwhelming stuff, I haven't been able to draw close. 
Over this year, all I have wanted is to find a purpose, to find something that God is calling me to do, in the church, in my college, and just in general life. I have always been told that God has a purpose for me, that I am made for a reason, that God never leaves me and he has a plan, now I don't doubt any of this, its just, I have prayed and prayed about how God wants me to serve him, and I feel like I have never heard an answer, or not ever the answer I want anyway, but just maybe the one I need, the answer has always been, "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) He has always just told me 'patience' and I don't doubt that that is the best answer, its just hard sometimes, to try to know that God is right and that he loves you and knows best, yet you still feel like you've been waiting for over 10 years for an answer that isn't just, 'wait'. 
Every time I pray to God at the moment, I don't know what to say. When I read my bible, I feel like I am not learning any more about God or Jesus, when I am worshipping in church, I feel like I don't even know how to worship. I feel trapped, like I'm not taking steps backwards, but I'm not going forwards either. ( by the way, if you've got this far, well done because I'm not sure what I am even saying, but thanks for reading about my problems... I think) I know God loves me and there are/ have been weeks were I have felt such joy, peace and love and I wanna jump out of my skin with how happy I feel, but these last couple of months have not been those days. I think ever since I started college this year, I've not known how to feel, this is what I say to God every night before I got to sleep "I just don't know" Because its true, I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what I'm doing with my life. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to work with animals, to become a zookeeper or something similar, and don't get me wrong, I would still love to do that, but recently I have been wondering how I do that in a way that honours God, in a way that brings the Kingdom of God to earth, and I just dunno really. Over this year I have been more into singing and as you may or may not know, I have been learning to play guitar, now I don't necessarily know if that means I want to do music because honestly, I don't think I would be very good at it, but worship has always been something I have loved, I have always wanted every opportunity to go out and sing to the Lord with others, pouring our hearts out as one. Something I have been thinking about for a while has been to join the worship band, but something has always held me back and I'm not sure what. 
A lot of this is all things God is teaching me, I believe he is teaching me to be more patient, to trust him, to know of his living breath in me. 
One of my favourite songs at the moment is Pieces by Amanda cook, and the main line is "You don't give your heart in pieces", the whole song is about how pure and perfect his love is, and that is one of the things I love about it, it sings of how he isn't broken, we don't get a broken God, we get his whole, perfect, together heart, and just earlier today, I was listening to it and I felt God say his heart isn't just love, his heart is kindness, its trust, its peace, its patience. I felt him saying, that when he gives me his heart, I don't just have his love, I have his strength, his courage, his patience. My problems are not completely fixed, but just in this song I was listening to, I know that If I truly believe that I have God in my heart, then I don't just have a part of him, I have all of him, and this in itself is so much more strengthening. Patience is going to take a while to master, not that I will ever master it, but as long as I have God's heart, I have his patience. Only in the strength of God can I be still and know that he is God.

Well... that is the longest talky thing I have done in a while. I liked writing it though, it helped me to figure it out a little more now that its not just in my head. I hope you enjoyed reading it, if you made it this far. If you have any thoughts, advice, prayer requests, feel free to leave it in the comments. I know I will get through all this, It is only going to take time and perseverance. The Gathering is this weekend and I can't wait to see what God is going to do and teach me, and everyone else. This weekend I am just going to pour out my heart and worship God with all I have because truly, that is all I can ever do. I am going to leave you with a verse that I absolutely love and has always been the verse I have tried to live by.

Sunday, 26 August 2018

Ignite 2018

Just the other day we got back from an unbelievable week at Ignite. I got to see and get to know my awesome family of friends more. I miss it all so much and I'm so excited to see my family again in just 2 months for the gathering.

Day 1: arrival.
There weren't too many people from our church going this year, so it wasn't really crowded and busy in our chalet. It was quite calm when we got there. We just chilled, found friends, said hello and then in the evening we had our youth bonfire.

Day 2: Too many hills.
 For today in the youth we had to do a series of challenges, most of them weren't that bad, but ignite is in Wales, which means hills, BIG hills, and our leader decided that for one of the challenges we had to run up down this steep hill taking ball pool balls, one at time, to the top. Its was way too steep for only 11:00 in the morning. You get some great views from it though.

Later that afternoon I decided to go up the less steep bit of the hill and chill for a bit, this did include almost falling asleep on the hill though.

In the evening we had our youth meeting and then us family of friends headed up the hill again to have our annual worship session under the stars. There were more clouds less stars this year, though we did get a couple moments when the sky cleared and we even had a chance to see a shooting star.

Day 3: Talent contest.
For the morning my sisters and I decided to go into the main centre, as they were doing water sports for youth and it was a bit too cold for us to choose to get wet, so we skipped slip'n slide rounders and had a very spirit filled time in the main conference. 
The afternoon we just chilled, wondered and played a few games in our friends caravan.
 The evening we went back into youth as it was worship and a little preach from one of the leaders. After the youth evening, it was the talent show. To be honest I don't normally go to the talent shows, but we decided to go as one of our friends was performing.

Day 4. Last full day
The morning in youth consisted on basically getting revenge on our youth leader,
The afternoon was basically spent watching the annual cef'n lea football tournament.
The evening was spent winning in youth games and spending as much time as possible with each other by chilling in the caravan again.

Day 5: Leaving.
Well lets just say I was too tired to realise that getting up to see the sunrise after just 4 hours sleep was a stupid idea, so I ended up ill, but I must say, at the time, it was worth it because it was stunning.

We had to be out of accommodation by 10:00 am so we said our very sad farewells and set off on our 3 hour journey home. We got home by lunch time, but I basically just slept.

It was an astounding week. I honestly miss it so much more than last year. I grew so much as a person in just one week. I'm back to college in 2 weeks and I'm so grateful to God for all he has done in that week and over this summer in general.
The morning preach on the 3rd day in the main conference was exactly what I needed as I go into my 3rd year of college(gosh that sounds crazy). The lady that preached was talking about living a second choice life and taking centre stage. At one point in the week I had a chance to take centre stage as I prayed for someone. I am so over joyed with the way God worked in me that week, and the way he is continuing to work through me. This year hasn't even finished yet, and God has done so many indescribable things in my life so far this year.

I hope you have all been blessed this summer.

Thursday, 9 August 2018

I went on holiday...Again.

So, its now August. That's crazy. It literally is one month until I start back at college. To me it feels like summer has gone so quick, anyone else feel like that? 

 Jesus Loves has been and gone, it was incredible!
(Here are just a couple of pictures.)

Jesus loves was amazing, but that is not what I want to show you pictures about. Nope, I went on holiday, again. I went on holiday with my sister, a friend, friends mum, and friends grandad. We went somewhere near Scarborough for 5 days.

Day 1: Monday
Getting down there, unpacking, and throwing rocks in the sea.

Day 2: Tuesday
Sea life centre.

Day 3: Wednesday
Roller coasters and zoo at Flamingo land. ( Don't have any pictures of me on a roller coasters because I was too busy having fun on them.)

Day 4: Thursday
Sleeping in, swimming and archery.

Day 5: Friday
Long trip home with a couple of stops. Stop 1; a speed boat ride and crabbing. Stop 2; was a train museum for friends grandad.


They were my adventures in Scarborough. Hope you enjoyed scrolling down my post of pictures of yet another holiday I went on.


Tuesday, 24 July 2018

June - July

June was not exciting, of course I had BCDO at the beginning, but the rest was filled with revising and exams. I finished college at the end of the month and since then, I've basically been binge watching shows and sleeping., but I have gone out the occasional day.

I did go out in June but because I was busy finishing college and revising, I only went out on weekends. A few, fairly exciting things happened in June, I went down to the docks with my family for a day, I found a frog with my friend on the way home in one of my last few weeks in college; I also had a chance to go strawberry picking at the weekend with my family before college was over which was nice, though we did end up with endless supply of strawberries;  I got to surprise my brother in Birmingham. We went up there because he is on tour with his church in Yeovil. I loved surprising him, while in Birmingham we our our cousins which was alot of fun. Right at the end of the month I had my college award ceremony and went to a cute little river with friends and family.
Saturday 9th

Monday 11th
Sunday 24th
Thursday  28th
Friday 29th
Saturday 30th

July is not over yet, but so far its been a good month and its going to get better because in just few days I have Jesus Loves, which I am way too excited for; I also have a holiday coming up at the very end of the month with my friend. So far though we have had our annual Formby beach barbecue with some of the churches in Liverpool, we have also had different friends round in various week. I also went into town a couple towns, but didn't really buy anything.
Saturday 7th
Wednesday 11th
Tuesday 10th
Friday 13th

That's basically it for these two months so far, this month I haven't really done much, buts its been good other wise.

Hope you enjoyed reading.