Immanuel - God with us

December 1st, and so begins the countdown to one of the best days of the year!! I am so excited for Christmas because when am I not? but also because it's been ten years since we went away for Christmas with our extended family. Mostly it has been a tradition to spend boxing day with the extended family, but ten years ago we actually went away for Christmas and stayed in this house thing and it was a lot of fun. This year we are all a lot older obviously, but for some reason, I feel like that's what is gonna make it that much better. The only sad thing is, it could be our last Christmas where it's possible for us to all be together without the oldest ones being occupied elsewhere, so this year, its gonna be special in so many ways.

Anyway, I didn't come to talk about my excitement for Christmas, instead, I wanted to talk about how recently I have really been feeling the presence and peace of God and I really can't express my love and utter aw and wonder for Him enough.

My college assessments are coming up this week. Monday and Tuesday I have my theory writing assessment, on Wednesday I have my practical assessment and Friday I have my mock exam and in just 5-6 weeks I have actual exams. This is all scary as heck and literally, every day I go into college at the moment one of us in my friendship group will be stressing and having a mental breakdown. For me though, the stress is different, like my friends have actually cried over the amount of stress that is overwhelming them, but for me, there is a sort of peace about the stress I'm feeling. Over this year I have gone through so much, whether that's physically, mentally or spiritually. I have gone through physical battles of myself, I have gone through battles of the mind, but also through battles with God and his calling for me, but through it all, God has been the one I go to. Even when I was battling Him, He would be the one I talked to, He would be the one who understood, the one who wanted to listen, who was there and present and helping me to understand, He was the one sending me peace, grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love.

A Couple of weeks ago I was really struggling, every time I would be on my way home from college I would be on the bus home and want to start breaking down and crying, but the tears never really came and it's not because I wanted to hold it together and not cry, because all I wanted to do was cry, but I think that maybe I didn't cry because on a spiritual level, I knew God had everything in his hands and there was no need to be stressed, anxious or fearful of what was to come and I didn't realize this until just a couple days ago.
This week we got our assessment week timetable and got told it was 6 weeks until our actual exams and I freaked, especially considering we have to get 315 hours of work experience this year too. This basically means I have to revise, do any homework or assignments and do work experience on my days off all in such little time. To me, it feels like a crazy amount, maybe it's not as much as I make it out to be and maybe other people have more work to do than me, but I'm not trying to compare myself to anyone else, I am only saying that this is stressful for me. Anyway, this week as I've been revising and writing notes for my theory assessment, I've been remembering my mums preach in church a couple weeks ago about finding rest in the work, about how we can find a calm and rest in God amongst the busy, overwhelming work full days. I also rediscovered a playlist of acoustic Christian music to listen to that has really got me through this week. Within the playlist there are so many songs that are about seeking God's presence, but also about knowing that God is with us and in control and has brought us through storms and will not leave us in this one and I have felt such an utter presence and closeness to Christ within these songs. I know that I can trust God and I can talk to Him and He understands my situation and He knows me and He is my best friend. He really is, He has always been my best friend and I have found such wholeness in Him this year. I used to be so sad and depressed about the fact that I never really had a best friend, I had friends I thought were my best friends, but never really were, then this year, I have great friends, but I still can't seem to call them my best friends, and just this weekend I have come to notice that God is my best friend and I don't need a best friend that is 'human' God is all I need, I can speak to Him about anything and everything, I praise Him and go to Him, but not only that, He is always there for me, He always wants me, He is always showing me love, even when I don't deserve it, He is always helping me and leading me and speaking to me and always with me. He is my Immanuel. He doesn't have to do any of this, I certainly don't deserve it because I'm not always the greatest at being a friend back, but He still chooses me as His child and friend and loved one.

I'm not gonna lie, I'm still nervous and anxious as heck for this week, but I can say and know so confidently that God is with me, He is with us, I can trust him with my fears and anxieties and I do not need to be afraid. Being afraid is only allowing the devil to win, it's only allowing him to take hold of me, but I choose God and His strength and His love. God is so much greater and stronger than any fear or storm that may come my way. So I say all praise to God this December and forevermore, no matter the results on my mocks and no matter my results for the real thing.

Immanuel - God With Us

BeeBee

xxx