Day 8: Something I struggle with

SHARE SOMETHING YOU STRUGGLE WITH

Believing I can do it. This year is my last year of college, and this coming February I will turn 18, which means I will be an 'adult' and honestly, it is scaring the heck out of me. I have always struggled with change and the future scares me because I have no idea what is coming. I feel like as an adult you have to make changes, do lots of new things, which I don't mind as much, but you have to also make lots of decisions and start doing things that are scary. First of all, when I finish college, I would like to take a gap year. In my gap year, I hope to be earning money and start learning to drive, if I've not managed to get a job while in college, then during my gap year, I would like to get a job, but I also want to go to Uni, which means I will then have to start thinking about which uni I want to go to and start applying to them and everything and it's all very scary to me. 

I am afraid to do all these things because I don't believe I can do them. I don't trust myself to do things right. During my work experience in April, whenever I got asked to do something, something that I had even done before, I was always afraid I was doing it wrong, I would be afraid of being stupid or making a stupid decision or someone having to go and do the job again because I did it wrong. Not being able to do a simple thing that someone asks me without doubting myself, really makes me worry about some of these adulting things I'm going to have to start doing soon.

You see, I really want a job, but I keep making excuses to myself and putting myself down and procrastinating even trying to look for a job because every time I think about having to apply for one I always start thinking like, 'I'm really unqualified', 'I feel like my CV isn't good enough', or 'I won't be confident enough in an interview' or 'I won't be able to answer one of the questions in an interview' or something along the lines of that. I might be being stupid and I just need to get off my lazy ass and apply for one and get over the fear, but it's easier said than done. Sometimes I feel so incapable because I can't even get in touch with anyone to apply for a job.

I have never had a job, or even applied for one, so everything is new to me, which is why I'm so scared about everything, but I know God has a plan and I completely trust in Him and His plan for me, and I will keep on praying for peace in the subject and I will keep on praying that when I do eventually apply for a job, that it will be the right one. I know that also has to be something I do, but that won't stop me praying for God's hand in it.

Well, there you go, something I struggle with = change and adulting.

BeeBee

xxx