Showing posts with label future. Show all posts
Showing posts with label future. Show all posts

Wednesday, 30 November 2022

Last post of the Year I guess

I'm back at Uni! My first term is coming to an end already! When I first arrived back it was definitely weird. There were so many things that were familiar, the campus, the town, the teachers and peers. But, there were also still so many things that were new. A house full of new people, the routine, and even I feel like a new person a little bit. I grew so much last year. Everything was fresh, from the classes and teachers to the drinking and going out. I had yet to work out the balance of everything; assignments, social life and my faith. I went through quite a spiritual transformation last year, bringing me into this year with a fresh mindset about everything. Not only that but over the summer I got baptised and was a Limitless Festival volunteer. I believe both got me out of my comfort zone and were real encouragements and strengtheners for my faith.

Limitless Festival was incredible. It was an awakening for this generation and the longing that this world has for a connection with Jesus and his Holy Spirit. The teachings were terrific and the whole event helped us to listen, wait and connect with the spirit of Jesus. A lot of the nights we would sit in silence just waiting. Waiting on the Lord to move and speak. It was such an encouragement to see the Lord move in these moments among the young people. The testimonies I've heard of the Lord speaking to people during that week are incredible. I got to be a part of a team that helped 480 people respond to the gospel and give their lives to Jesus. 

This first term has been a struggle. I am enjoying it, my lessons are fun and more focused on the animal areas that I am interested in (except research methods, eew ugh). At the end of October/beginning of November, I was really having a hard time focusing on assignments. Every time I would open one I would just wanna shut off and cry, I was fully ready to quit. I know this probably just sounds like what every university student goes through, and it probably is, but I'm talking about it anyway. All my life I have wanted to study animals and work with them, I have never wanted to do anything else. But, in November I really started to question whether it was something I wanted to do or even something I can do, like am I actually capable or am I just gonna fail. I was having an identity crisis! I lost passion for everything, I started to think about the fact that if I did quit, I would have no idea what else I am good at, maybe I'm not good at anything! It was really depressing and very unmotivating because I just kept thinking that I am not capable, maybe I'm just stupid and I suck and I don't know anything! To be honest, I still don't think there is anything else I could do apart from animal management, I think it's the only skill I could pursue a career in (just about). However, my thoughts of being a massive failure have begun to fade with prayer. As always, the Lord was there to pick me up. As much as I thought about quitting and giving up on my lifelong pursuit, the Lord equally reminded me that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, His ways are better than my ways. He reminded me of his promises for me and told me to keep on the path towards Him and I will not fail. Slowly, I began to cast my cares upon the Lord. I reminded myself of things learnt at Limitless Festival and how we must wait on the Lord and wait with the Lord. He restored my strength. I found motivation again. Although one of the assignments still makes me wanna cry, it doesn't make me want to quit. The Lord also encouraged me through my sisters and through new-found friends. Having a community is just so much better than wallowing by yourself. 

To my sister who probably isn't reading this. Thanks for reminding me of the hope Christmas brings. You may have been being a bit silly, but when you said to just put the word 'Christmas' in front of everything, it actually really encouraged me. When you told me to think about them as 'Christmas' assignments (assignments due before Christmas, "Completing them will be a Christmas present to yourself, they're Christmas assignments"). It actually made me feel better and reminded me that Jesus is the hope of Christmas and when I am sticking 'Christmas' in front of everything, I am reminded that we must do all things for the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). Christmas was all about bringing glory to God, so why shouldn't my assignments and work be for the glory of God. So, thank you for encouraging me and bringing me Hope when I was feeling down and stressed. 
That same morning, I met someone at church that goes to my uni and we got on straight away. I thank the Lord, that both years, he has gifted me a friend that I may share in the glory of God with. 

As I write this, it is literally 10 minutes until the first of December, and I am listening to Crowder's new Christmas Album and eating cake. I am filled with hope and motivation for the future and filled with the Christmas spirit. Without my family around me, it is hard to feel the Christmas spirit, but this week I have really been trying to choose to spend more time in the Lord's presence and that is enough to fill me with the joy, peace and hope that Christmas is.

Thanks for reading as always. If you're feeling down I hope this encouraged you in some way. I pray you too find the hope that the celebration of Jesus' birth brings. 

Merry Christmas!
BeeBee
xxx
I leave you with these Christmas vibes


Friday, 15 July 2022

I went to France.

I've had a busy couple of weeks and over 1000 photos to prove it 😝 A few big life things first...
My brother got married!!

I saw Imagine Dragons in concert. Which was just incredible!




I had my university Summer ball and said goodbye to the year.  

Now that the main things are out of the way...
On the 1st of July, my friends and I took a wonderful holiday to France together. We stayed in M's family's house in Spezet, Brittany. 
The first part of the week was unfortunately uneventful because of a little accident that happened with M's car keys, which meant we didn't have access to her car for four days. So for the first four days, we just chilled, drank mojitos and sunbathed in the garden. Even though we couldn't get out of the house it was wonderful to just be together and laugh. Cooking together and coming up with some yummy meals was always fun too. 

Once we got the car keys all sorted and could leave the house. We got to see a beautiful chateau on the Thursday and cool off in the sea on Friday and Saturday. We also braved going to a French nightclub on Saturday which was a bit scary and awkward to start with, but eventually a lot of fun!





Our last day was spent walking around Huelgoat. This place that is basically just filled with massive boulders and a river running underneath them. The rest of the day was spent packing and cleaning ready to leave the house in the morning. 
 

 

Monday and Tuesday was goodbye to France and Friends. France was so much fun. It was my first ever holiday without my family which felt odd, but like a new adventure. Growing up is scary, but also a lot of fun. I am very much enjoying my twenty's. Taking in every moment, memory and new adventures I have with friends and myself. I can't wait for what's next. 



Limitless Festival is coming up soon and this year I'm a volunteer. The thought of it is so scary, but I believe in what God is going to do through me, in me and around me. It will be so good to meet new people, be apart of a great team and experience the event in such a different, but exciting new way. 

BeeBee
xxx




Monday, 28 March 2022

The Lesson of True Surrender

 What a year it's been! And it's not even over quite yet. I have too many things I should probably be doing instead of this, but this is hopefully going to motivate me. 

The last time I wrote it had been only three weeks, now it has been six months. There is too much to talk about and yet not enough. University has certainly had its struggles, but for the most part, I have enjoyed it, God has done some amazing things in me and given me the most amazing friends. Friendships at University are honestly one of the best parts. Although there may be a few I won't see next year, I believe we will stay in contact and I can't wait to continue to build on the friendships. My friendship with Tabbie has been particularly wonderful. If you haven't read my previous post, she is a friend of faith and it has been so wonderful to have that bond. What is so wonderful is she also introduced me to someone else who is a Christian and we all started this little Tuesday night worship session in Tabbie's room. It has been one of the best things and such a great support system to be able to gather, worship the Lord together, pray together and talk and discuss the bible. The Lord has given us so much joy and peace in that little room of Tabbie's.

The big lesson God has taught me this year is True Surrender. At the beginning of the year, I really loved doing all the uni things like going out twice a week, or even the fact that I live alone now means I can watch the movies I couldn't watch before. However, turns out, even though these things are fun, they are also the things that pulled me away from God in the first months of uni. Because I was out late, or maybe not even out, just generally up late, I wouldn't get up to read my bible, because I wasn't reading my bible I didn't really feel like going to church, because I didn't go to church, I sort of stopped listening to worship music. I basically became a pretty shoddy Christian, I would pray every now and then, apologise for my behaviour, but not do anything about it, tell myself the lord still loved me, etc. Before Uni I had been reading my bible so regularly and I was so connected to God. I think when uni started I got so excited about being able to do things I always wanted to try, but then I let myself enjoy the things too much because they drew me away from my faith. For almost half the academic year I struggled with this, I wanted to enjoy going out and getting drunk without feeling guilty after, I wanted to not have to put time into my relationship with God, but still have God speak to me and be filled with the Holy Spirit. There would be days when I would get up and read my bible or my devotional and feel connected to God again, but I wasn't really listening to him, I was hearing him telling me to choose Him or my own ways, and I would pray that he would help me be bold and choose him, but then hours later I would forget that I just surrendered to Him and go back to ignoring Him and choosing to do things my own way. The worst part about this is that I knew what I was doing was making me unhappy, it was making me sad and struggle to get through the week because I was so angry with myself, I always felt guilty and stupid and it was just not good, I knew I was living wrong. I would cry out to God for help because I was feeling so torn, I knew I couldn't have both, but I was afraid to give myself to God fully because every time I'm close to God I know He might ask me to step out of my comfort zone. That's what he does, every time I'm closest and stronger in my faith, He asks me to do something brave, something I don't want to do. I really don't like going up in front of people and talking, I don't like shouting out, it even took me a while to join the worship team in the church because I'm so afraid of His callings for me. I was torn between God and the world, but I got comfortable in the struggle. I was crying out for help, but I didn't do anything to change, I just wanted God to make it okay for me to have both, but I can't have both. God doesn't want my halfhearted love, He wants ALL of me. He is a jealous God.

Around February, sick of feeling unhappy and torn, sick of making wrong decisions and not feeling motivated, I decided to make some changes. I began to read my devotional more, began praying regularly, and tried to go to church more, I also had my Tuesday night worship sessions. God began to challenge me, but He also comforted me, He spoke words of love, grace and protection. Being around other Christians is always what I needed. It was better, I was connected to God again, filled with joy, but I still hadn't FULLY surrendered to God quite yet. 
The devotional book I am reading at the moment is by Jeremy Riddle, called The Reset. It is a book about worship and wholehearted surrender. It is so challenging and requires me to truly ask questions about the way I live out my faith. This book has been such a revelation for me, especially during that time of indecision. Fast forward to the beginning of March, I get a message from a friend about signing up to be a volunteer at Limitless Festival. Bear in mind I have previously had a message about this from my brother, my brother asked more generally to the family, but the friend messaged me directly. It was quite funny because I mentioned to her that my brother had messaged about this already and I was thinking about it, she then joked "haha, maybe it's a sign". I laughed this off a little, but I was also thinking the same thing a little bit. Essentially I had to start thinking about and praying about becoming a volunteer for Limitless Festival more seriously. At first, I didn't want it to be a sign, I wanted to continue being just a young adult for one more year, but the more I prayed, the more I talked to others about it, the more I knew it was something I had to say yes too. Even though I knew I had to say yes, I was still slightly hesitant. I kept praying. God helped me to see that I needed to take this step forward in my faith, I had become too comfortable in my cycle of choosing myself over God. I had become too comfortable in saying no to God when He called me. One morning I was reading my book by Jeremy Riddle, and the chapter was bout about complete, wholehearted surrender, he talked about his journey with it and how he learned to die to himself and his dreams and surrender to God's will for his life. His story resonated with me, his journey of struggling to choose between his dreams and God's will. Jeremy eventually found his way down the narrow road by praying "Not my will for my life, but Yours be done.". I needed this. I sat there in my room that morning surrendering everything to the Lord, praying for grace and forgiveness for thinking my way was better, for saying "no" all this time and drifting away from Him over and over again. I asked for bravery, I prayed for confidence in my yes to the Lord. It was an instant peace in my heart that morning. My heart had been so heavy, so torn, but surrendering to the Lord, He freed me.
I eventually got in contact with the person setting up a group of volunteers and we discussed what team I would like to serve on. It took me a few days to decide, but after a couple days of asking a few people what their thoughts were, I am now on the youth prayer team! I am so excited for this and so excited to see what God is going to do, not only in me but just in that place for all those people. These past weeks I have felt so much peace and freedom within myself. It is the most whole I have felt since starting university. I praise the Lord for taking me on this journey, for teaching me these lessons in surrender, there is still progress to be made, but I believe I am taking steps forward, I am done being comfortable, I am ready to lean on the Lord and take risks, I want to move forward, I pray it will finally not be something I am reluctant to do, but I will welcome the things that are challenging and require all my faith and for me lean and surrender completely to Him. 
Exams are coming up and I am very anxious about not passing some of them. I have done alright in my work so far, getting mostly high passes and occasionally a merit, but the exams and my last couple of assessments are honestly the hardest things. Over Easter, I am basically going to be revising my ass off. But I trust the Lord. I'm hoping I get a bit of a break as well. 
I'm not sure I'm quite ready for this year to end, we still have a few months left and I am going to be soaking up every moment and every memory, but it's sad, I'm gonna miss it. 
This summer there are some fun things planned, I'm going to see Imagine Dragons with one of my friends, we have the summer ball at the end of the year and a few friends and I are going to France in July. It's all very exciting! I am going to miss everyone so much over the summer and miss the people who I won't see next year and even though the academic side of the university is so hard, I have loved it, learning everything, and even more excited for my choice of modules next year.  

I think that is all for now. I'll leave you with a few pictures.

Thanks for reading as always, I enjoy just letting some stuff out every now and then.
BeeBee
xxx

Sunday, 3 October 2021

Moving to University

Moving away from home is a scary thing, especially when you've lived with 9 people for almost all your life. Uni is so exciting, but at the same time, I don't think it's quite dawned on me what I am about to spend the next 3 or 4 years of my life doing. I've been at uni for 3 weeks and it just feels like a long holiday, but this is my life now. Attending lectures every day and putting effort into reading and other things I don't always enjoy. I am enjoying learning about animals again after being out of education for a year, but it's still scary and it's still uni.

The days before I left were very emotional and stressful, but I got through it and it was actually quite fun the day I moved in. I miss home a lot, that first day I moved, once my mum and dad left I almost burst into tears in the middle of the cafeteria. I managed to hold it in, but it dawned on me, that I am alone, I am without my family, without my comfort space, my safe place, my home. It still feels like that a lot of the time, but I have settled in better and feel more okay on my own now. I'm getting by and God provided the friends I needed straight away. He provided people who made me feel less alone and people with who I feel I can really be myself around and encourage me so much. I've known them for only three weeks, but I love them already. 

Like I said before, I am really enjoying university, but it is so tiring. I have never napped as much as I did in that first week and a half of uni. I was scrolling through a student Instagram page yesterday and I had never related to anything more. I always thought I would manage to skip those stereotypes of being a student, but I didn't, I fell right into those stereotypes of being a uni student. It actually makes me laugh a lot. All those things I thought I'd never relate to because I was going to keep good sleeping habits and do my homework and assignments in good time. I would read a lot and keep my room tidy, I would focus in class and engage, etc, etc. Don't get me wrong, I do focus in class and keep my room to a fairly tidy standard, but I am always tired, I am keeping terrible sleeping habits and I actually forgot to do some homework we got set last week. I even thought about skipping a class the other day because I was so tired, I didn't, but I have never actually thought about doing this, or at least never took this thought as seriously as I did the other day. 

I don't really know where I am going with this post, I just needed to do something that motivates me and wanted to write and tell you guys about how uni is going for me. For the most part, I am enjoying it,  I just need to start getting in the habit of using my time a bit more wisely and not staring at my phone endlessly with all my spare time. Some of the things I really need to start looking at and doing is 1. Buying some books, but man are academic books expensive!! 2. I need to look at booking some driving lessons. I need to really get back into that before I end up leaving it too long. 3. Organising and rewriting notes so that knowledge sticks now and I'm not trying to remember it all when it comes to the actual assignements and assessments. Theres a lot more I need to do, but these are the main ones. I'm convinced this week I will be productive, but probs come Tuesday, that won't be the case.

Let's talk about something really good that's happened  and that I praise God for every day. I already talked about the amazing friends he has given me, we clicked so easy and it was great. But, there is one particular friend I would like to talk about and praise God for. 
For most my life I have never really had Christian Friends my age. I have had Christian friends, but they were always part of a wider youth group, so they were never really 'my friends' if you know what I mean. So the only people I have ever been able to talk to about faith, or my personal faith has been my family, or extended family. Until now. 
Last Sunday, I got a text from a friends mum in Chester who said she had met this girl in church that morning that goes to Reaseheath and wanted to pass on my number to her. I, of course said that's fine. This girl got in contact with me, lets call her Tabbie. She mentioned she was living on campus and wanted to meet because she hasn't yet met anyone on campus who is a Christian, and neither had I. We met up the following Tuesday and we instantly had a connection, we had so much in common and got along. We fed the ducks for a little while, and then we decide to get out of the rain and go sit in one of the cafe's. We continue chatting and a little while later, this girl who had been sitting behind us (Calling her Mel) approaches us and just says something along the lines of "I didn't mean to easdrop, but you guys are the first Christians I've heard of here, I am a Christian too" We all just went "WOW, no way, this is crazy!" you know the usual. We invite her to sit down with us and we all get talking and getting to know each other and it was just so good. Mel eventually had to leave and get to her next lesson, but we exchanged numbers so we could keep in contact and meet again soon. Me and Tabbie were talking once she left and we realised that before Mel came and sat with us, we both had this sense Mel was listening to us, that 'ooh maybe the person behind us is interested in what we're talking about' sort of thing. And then Mel approached us and turns out she was in fact a Christian. It was a Holy Spirit moment. One of those moments you don't realise is the Holy Spirit until its over. It was such a quiet whisper of a thought, but I believe it was the Holy Spirit because both me and Tabbie believed Mel was listening behind us. It was so weird and amazing at the same time. 
Tabbie and I have hung out a couple times since then and each time it just feels amazing that I can mention Jesus or church to someone without getting weird looks or all sorts of questions. I don't mind that sometimes, but you have no idea how good it is to make a friend I can share biblical thoughts with and have interesting conversations about what we both believe and everything. We are also both on an animal course which means I finally have someone that shares my same thoughts on evolution (besides my family). After the first meeting on Tuesday, I went back to my room and just felt so much joy, I was just jumping and smiling about in my room. I am so thankful God has put both these beautiful, faith-filled woman in  my life.

Anyway, I'll end this talky post with a nice basic room tour.




BeeBee
xxx




Saturday, 20 March 2021

I got a job!!!

Honestly, I've felt very un-inspired at the moment, especially when it comes to being creative with my blog or paintings. But today, I found my inspiration just by spending lots of time praying and reading the book of Acts this morning, so it's been a few minutes, but I'm back. 
Since I last talked, I have gotten into Reaseheath university and applied for student finance. I'm just waiting for applications for accommodation to open, and then I'll be applying for that. Not only have I got into university, but I have also got a job!

I've been at this job for a month now and I am really enjoying it. I'm working in a pharmacy, mostly on the till or serving customers. This job is very different from what I imagined myself doing, but I think it's exactly what God planned for me. The contract is also perfect, ending just a few weeks before I head to university. When I first got this job I was worried that I was going to really dislike it and get bored of it quite quickly. I am the sort of person that needs every day to be slightly different, I get bored quite quickly in a routine. When I was doing work experience in the RSPCA cattery I got bored very quickly because each day felt exactly the same, but I also didn't have that many duties so I wasn't kept busy either. But, in this job, in the pharmacy, every day feels different, you may have the same people come in, I might have the same sort of duties every day, but each day there is always something different. I am only ever in for half a day, I get along with everyone, I love that it is a people job and I get to talk to people and get to know the regulars. I feel very comfortable in this job and plus its great experience to have for the future. So, while I wasn't sure about the job to start with, I sure am now because I know it is exactly what God had planned for me. 

My first week of work felt so good. To actually have been getting up to go somewhere and do something. To be interacting with people outside of my family, to be learning new things. It was just so good to feel motivated! Now that I've been working for 4 weeks, I'll admit I'm tired, but I'm not bored, I'm still fairly new at things, still learning the ropes with some things and so I am not bored. My hours are also so nice, for 2 days a week I work 10-3pm, which means when I get home I have time to paint or read or play games with my family. For 3 days a week, I work 1-6pm, which gives me a nice lie-in, it gives me time in the morning, if I get up early enough, to just do whatever, and then I just work until the end of the day. It's honestly a great job and it's all thanks to God and his amazing plan and amazing timing.

I can't thank God enough for what he has done for me, he has brought me peace with every step of this job search and brought me peace and joy and trust in him with each day of my job. His promises are so good. 
I recently realised that I am literally living in the times of my life I used to imagine living as a kid and honestly it is pretty close to what I imagined. I have a job, I'm off to uni soon, I can't drive yet, but I've had lessons and I am at that age where it's quite nice to have responsibility, but not too much responsibility. I feel good about where my life is and I am looking forward to what these next few months may hold and I am very excited for university. 

Thanks for reading.

BeeBee
xxx

Thursday, 3 December 2020

Last post of 2020

 So I was/am really struggling to come up with an idea for a creative Christmas post and possibly my last post of 2020!! I guess I'll just random until those blog post forms into something.

This year has been wild, but still at the same time, isn't it crazy that despite the wildness of Covid-19, it's also made life so still and slow. As much as I've hated not being able to see anyone or do much this year, It's been a really good year spiritually and emotionally. God has taught me and shown me so much of who he is, and who I am in Him, and how to truly surrender and trust his ways. It has really been a journey this year. 
Anyway, let's have a look at November, and then we'll go back and talk more about Christmas and how this year has gone.

Guy Fawks night was pretty normal for us because most years we stay near our house, playing with sparklers and watching everybody else's firework displays in the park.



At one point in November, I had my own little disco party in my bedroom because the others were out recording for church.



My younger sister had her 17th Birthday.



And then came December. To welcome the countdown of Jesus' Birth I painted my nails with a subtle Christmas design, and then just yesterday I painted them a bit more Christmassy.



For the first few days of December I've mostly cuddled cats, watched Cristmas movies, or done festive activities like looking for Christmas presents, painting Christmas cards or painting my nails Christmassy. 
As a special gift to all us kids our Parents got all of us our first ever chocolate calenders. It really makes up for how boring this year has been. I've always wanted a chocolate calender and I got so excited when my parents surprised me with one.



Looks like we're all caught up. This Saturday we are putting our tree up and I am very excited. However it's going to be interesting trying to decorate the tree with the kittens around. December will probably consist of what I've already been doing, plus more family games and laughs. I honestly love the Christmas season, its always a great way to end the year. To end the year with the celebration and hop of the birth of Jesus Christ is so wonderful. Especially after this year. This year will be different, we won't be able to meet with much of our extended family this year, but we will hopefully have our Granny here for Christmas and Joel returns to us from Uni on the 13th.

You know, its kinda funny. I am constantly complaining about this year, but personally in my life, this year hasn't been terrible. Yes the whole pandemic thing stopped me from doing a lot of things this year like getting a job and going on a trip with my friends before they went off to Uni. I didn't even get to celebrate their birthdays with them, but despite all this, I have broken the habit of biting my nails, I have started to learn to drive, I have kept up my blog, I've applied for university, I've got kittens, I've joined the worship team in church and so much more, not to mention my relationship with Christ has never been better and I am actually building healthy habits like reading my bible (almost) every morning. There are so many things I'd wished I could have done this year, as I am sure this is the case for many, but think about all the good things you might have done this year. Have you reconnected with an old friend? Have you started to work out and enjoy it? Have you started to eat healthier? Have you reconnected with family? Have you learnt a a new hobby or more about a particular subject you enjoy? Have you had the time to binge one of your favourite TV shows (I know I have)? This year has not been all bad, I don't think the world has ever been more connected and together, fighting for things like the lives of our dearly loved black people and all the beautiful lives of the people on this earth that deserve better. I also believe that so many people have come to Christ through this pandemic. So many people have had more access to loads of different churches through the internet and Youtube and everything. I was reading a blog about some of the things The Bible App have achieved this year and there are over a million people that have downloaded the app and read all sorts of different devotionals on it. It's so amazing to see all that God has been doing in this year despite the crazy storm of the world. 

I pray that whatever you have faced this year that you would not let it take hold of you. Let it go as we enter the hope of Christmas. You have made it through 2020, lets just focus on that. Keep hold of the stuff that's brought you joy this year. May this next year bring a lot more joy and peace, and love to you. May we all find freedom and rest in our lives this next year.

I truly do hope 2021 is better for the world. I know that its not going to be suddenly better from the 1st of January, but it will get better in time because God has never and will never stop working.

I think that's enough from me for 2020. I hope you all have a very merry, wonderful Christmas and a fantastic New Year. See you in 2021. 

BeeBee
xxx

Saturday, 21 September 2019

DAY 21: 3 things I hope my children are going to learn

WHAT 3 LESSONS DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO LEARN FROM YOU?

Well, I have recently decided that I don't want kids, but if I did have children, then these are the lessons or just 'things' that I would want them to know.

  1. How to wait. I am such an impatient person, but God is teaching me how to be more patient and to live more in the moment, and I hope that when I have kids, if I do, that I will be able to teach them how to be patient, wait and live in the moment.
  2. Don't binge shows. Don't get me wrong, I love a good binge and I might binge a show if it's one season or only a couple episodes, but if it's six seasons long with 24 episodes in each season, do not binge it. I learnt this the hard way, my life got consumed by the tv show, (I have done it more than twice and both times it was a mistake) and I couldn't think about anything else, it was also all I wanted to do, was to watch this show. I found I couldn't concentrate in college or when playing a game with my family or I wouldn't be making time for God because all I wanted to do was watch this show. I hope that maybe my kids will learn to have more self-control than me and not get addicted to watching new shows all the time and that they will learn not to waste time on screens, but take time for family and God.
  3. Read more books. When I find a book that I like, I will love it, but most the time I see a book and cannot be bothered to read it. I wish I loved reading because I do enjoy it when I find a good book, but this generation is so screen-based with Netflix and Amazon Prime and YouTube and all these other streaming services, that because I have got into watching shows and movies too much, that now I am one of those people that does not read even though I wish I did. I hope I can teach my kids to read because it is so much better for you, for your English, for your sight, and for your general brain.
Those are the 3 'things'/'lessons' that I want my children to learn, hope you enjoyed.

BeeBee
xxx

Friday, 30 August 2019

My story part 2: Limitless Festival

Here we are again, part 2. Before I start though, I thought I would let you know how an average day went because it might be helpful because of what and the way I'm going to be talking about it.
So, in the mornings it would be breakfast and all the youth leaders would have a meeting. About 10:00-11:00 everyone (except the 0-11 who had their own venues and sessions) would gather in the main venue, also known as the youth venue, to have a worship session and to be let known what was going on in the day. After we all finish worshipping together, the young adults(17-Youth leader age) would split from the youth(12-17) at about 11:15 and would go the YA venue for a preach and sometimes a little extra worship, while the youth stayed in the youth venue for their seminar.
In the afternoon everyone would go back to either their campsites or, if they were being catered for, the social area for lunch. From about 1:15-5:00pm there would be all sorts of activities and workshops going on, such as, creative, song writing, dance, band and kids’ workshops, but also sports activities, inflatables, swimming, roller skating, etc. All the afternoon activities were finished by 5:00 so that everyone could have dinner before the evening meetings at 7:00. There would be no altogether meeting in the evening, instead the young adults went straight to their venue and the youth to theirs. In the evening meeting there would be lots of worship, a preach and a call to respond at the end. The evening meetings were supposed to finish around 9:00, but sometimes they went on a little longer if God had different plans.
To make the days last longer, there were after hours, to me, these were always the best parts. In the after hours there was a silent disco, late night worship, a cinema, open mic and more. Every night I went to the late-night worship, except the last night because it wasn't on.
That is a summary of what an average day would be, now let's get on to the Jesus stuff.

Limitless Festival day 1.
The first day of Limitless Festival started in the afternoon because everyone has to get there to pitch tents, so on the first day it’s only an evening meeting. The first night, I think, was my favourite because it was the one that started the whole event and it is also the one that set me free allowing me to be filled with joy and praise for the rest of the week.
Let me first off say that the theme of the week was 'Trash Talk' the whole thing was about trash talking the devil and all the little voices in our heads, so on the first night in the Young Adults venue the guy preaching was talking about the past and one of things he asked right at the beginning was "Do you feel like you aren't going forward or backward? Do you feel 'spiritually trapped'?", and as I said in part 1, this is exactly how I felt and in the moment, it literally felt like he was talking to only me and no one else was in the room, but basically the summary of the preach was that we have to deal with the past, before the past deals with us, the past can chase us down and catch up to us and we can't move on until we deal, we will keep trying to run away from it, but it will catch us up if we don't face it today, but there is someone who is here to fight it with us, who will fight for us.
For me it was a battle I had been fighting for a long time. It wasn't necessarily the 'past' I was fighting, it was almost a battle of motivation or wandering if God was 'worth it', I of cause knew He was worth it, but I felt like my journey with Him was getting old and boring and repetitive and so I was kind of running away emotionally, from the responsibility of being a Christian, I was sort of afraid of getting too close to God. I knew this was a problem and I tried to fight it myself, I tried praying by myself, but not really asking God for help, I also didn't tell anyone what I was struggling with, I kept it to myself, just running and running, so when Jesse Willis (The guy preaching) preached about the past and 'The place of no escape'(The title of his preach) I knew it was God speaking right into me and that He was doing something inside of me, I will never be able to explain. When it was the call to respond, I went up for prayer, because I knew that it was time to let go of whatever was holding me back from God, it was time to let someone pray for me and time for me to be free, it was time to change, to finally allow God to change me. That night I was refreshed with a new desire for God, a new yearning. I was free.
In the late-night worship session, I gave it all to God, I gave all my praise and He refreshed me and sent His holy spirit. The rest of the week I was free and filled with a joy I can't explain.

Limitless Festival day 2.
We now had a full day to experience God. The morning worship in the youth venue was great, now feeling closer to God, I felt my praise was freer as well, if that makes any sense. Anyway, when we split of to the YA venue, the preach was spoken by a guy called Mark Ritchie, who by the way, is hilarious, but that's off topic. Mark Ritchie was speaking on trash talking fear, specifically fear when it comes to evangelism. My whole life I have struggled with fear, it is an ongoing war inside of me that God is helping me fight. Mark Ritchie was basically talking about the fact that we have a burning why inside of us, a need to do something, a need to bring the broken people to life. He preached on Mark 2:2-5 about the friends who lowered their paralysed friend through the roof to get heeled by Jesus. He was basically saying that it was the why burning in them that gave them the strength to lower their friend through the roof. We must have a burning why for God and his broken people.
This preach got me thinking about how all my life, I have felt God calling me to prophesy. He has always given me words or pictures, whether for me or for someone else. The thing is, every time I could work up enough bravery or confidence to tell these words or pictures to anyone, I would cry or go bright red and honestly, I hated it a lot. I disliked sharing things from God, I hated crying and being nervous and going red, but I also hated myself when I didn't share something God gave me because I would then feel guilty and disobedient and it would make me feel like garbage. But, you see, I knew what God was calling me to do, so I wanted to want what God had for me, but I found it too hard, so I avoided it as much as possible.
As Mark was preaching about having a burning why, I knew I needed prayer because I didn't have the burning why for what God is calling me to do, so I went to get prayer when it was the call to respond, I told the person who prayed for me what I needed prayer for and the prayer she prayed, the words she spoke over me to the Lord, were exactly what I needed. She prayed, from what I remember, something along the lines of "Lord help Phoebe to have a new burning inside of her for what you have for her, help her to have a burning why for you, give her words to speak over others and may it be easy, Lord at the beginning make it easy for her. Refresh her heart for you and her calling and let her burn brightly for you." The Lord stirred something within me through this prayer, I felt a fire light within me, I didn't necessarily know it or acknowledge it to start with, but it was there, the burning for the calling God had called me to, to prophesy, little did I know God would do something incredible.

In the evening it wasn't the preach that God used to speak to me. All the songs so far and all God was doing within me, the kind of theme or words God was speaking to me were just 'New Life' like, so far it was just God giving me a new life, a new breath, a new refreshment and way of seeing life. I felt God was telling me to share this, but I didn't want to, some part of me felt it wasn't right to share it, even after all that prayer in the morning, I was still making excuses not to share what God had put on my heart, excuses like, "God, I think this is just for me" or "There isn't a good time", "someone is singing", "The mic isn't free" Etcetera. This of cause, left me feeling terrible, I was praying and praying that God would help me to get it out, or to take it off my heart, that there would be another opportunity tomorrow and then I would share it or something like that. God had a different and better plan than I did though.
When it got to the end of the evening meeting, I didn't feel finished with God, I didn't feel like God was finished with me, so I made my way into the late night worship, not really knowing what to say to God, just knowing that I needed to be with him, so as I entered into the venue of the late night worship, I found a wall, slid down it, and just started to cry, not sob, but just cry, tears simply falling from eyes. I stayed there on the floor for a good half an hour, not really knowing why I was crying to be honest but resting in God's peace and forgiveness and knowing that the joy would come in the morning. After I'd had a good cry, I stayed in the evening worship having a good chat with a friend about life.

Limitless Festival day 3.
Today was filled with praise and thanksgiving. In the morning worship we were just declaring that we would always sing praise to God, even in the middle of the mystery. The YA morning seminar was done by Tim Alford, before he started talking though, we dove into a little more worship. Tim was talking to us about how we can use social media as a positive thing, and not as something that makes us compare ourselves or make us feel bad. I honestly, don't feel bad when I scroll down my social media feeds, and I'd also heard Tim Alford preach about social media at the Gathering last year, but it was a good reminder of how social media can be negative and positive. Tim's talk was a reminder of how, when social media affects us, it can then affect our journey with God, for example, if we're spending too much time on YouTube or scrolling down Instagram, then we don't and aren't spending enough time in our bibles getting to know Jesus. I know I am guilty of spending too much time watching things on YouTube or Netflix which is one of the reasons why I found myself pretty lost some of 2018. Since this preach though, I try to be off my phone or at least off Netflix or YouTube between 10 and 11pm, I am going to change it to earlier though when I go back to college. Tim Alford is very good at talking about social media and how we can limit our time to then spend more time with Jesus or simply taking time doing more of our hobbies. Tim's preach was also good at advising us on how to be better when posting on social media, so overall it was a good and fun talk.

This whole night of day 3 was incredible, just everything about it. First off, the preach was incredible, even though it didn't speak to me in any big way, it was a great time of God just teaching me and a great time of learning how to live that little bit better and closer to Jesus. He was preaching about ego and his title was "The battle for your soul is a battle for your ego."  He was preaching about how we have to develop and invest in our character in the waiting. One of the things he said was that 'ability can get us through the door, but character keeps us in the room'. There were so many things in this preach, that stuck out to me, not because of any major thing I was going through, but simply because they were things I needed to apply to my life, so another thing he said was that 'passion is nothing without purpose, purpose guides the passion'. One of his main points was that we must learn to exercise our courage, we have to face our giants 'scared is what you're feeling, courage is what you're doing'. This preach spoke to me in so many little and amazing ways, and what’s even greater, is I went into that meeting thinking, 'Oh I don't have a problem with ego, I don't think I'll be taking many notes on this', but it then turned out to be the one, I would say, I learnt the most from and took the most notes on, God always moves in the most unexpected ways.
Day 3 of late-night worship, for me, was so powerful and so incredible and honestly, I would say, the best night of them all. It started out with quite a few people, we were just praising, people encountering God in many different ways, I, myself, was down on my knees many times, just singing, praising, asking God for more. It was this night that I felt overcome by peace, I felt like shouting to the Lord and yet staying still with my mouth shut, all at the same time. I wanted to stay in the presence of God, bowing down on my knees and just listening to his voice, but I also wanted to jump up and dance around the room, even if there was no music, it was an incredible moment with Jesus.
Later, in the evening, it got so powerful. This guy goes up to the front and starts talking about Jericho, when the Israelite let out a shout of praise and the walls came down. Suddenly the whole room starts shouting, we all start screaming and shouting to the Lord, in the Lord's name we knocked walls down with a cry and a shout of praise. It was an overwhelmingly mighty moment, and, incredibly loud, but the power and presence of God that was in that room that night was so intense.
Now remember that I said in day 2 that I got prayed for so that I would want to prophesy and not hate it when I did it and that, to start with, it would be easy, well this night, I saw it in myself and God answered the prayer that I had been praying over and over in my heart and I managed to go up and speak in the mic about what God had put on my heart and I didn't cry, I didn't go bright red, I hardly even let myself get nervous, I just did it, it was easy. I had basically been singing spontaneously that "Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains" and this then got me thinking that I want to have more faith than a mustard seed, I want to have enough faith in God that I would be able to move 12 mountains. The band then started singing "Let faith arise" and I knew then that I had to share my thoughts, I knew they were from God, and so I went up grabbed the mic and shared. As I walked back to my seat, I was so joyful, the Lord gave me a brave, courageous heart, I couldn't thank the Lord enough. The night carried on for quite some time, but eventually, we made our way back to the tents, were we then found out that the main venue where everyone meets in the morning had flooded, so we were a bit curious about what was going to happen the next morning. It was crazy rains that night, like I was in the tent talking to my friends and we literally had to shout to hear each other over the rain on our tents, it was crazy, but I did eventually get to sleep and it was a pretty good sleep at that.

Limitless Festival day 4.
Now the main venue may have been flooded, but that did not stop us from meeting together to worship God, the leaders were incredible and set up the morning worship meeting in the social area. The morning was incredible. You should probably know that pretty much from the second day we'd had weather warnings of very strong winds and storms, weather warnings so bad that other events had cancelled, but limitless festival was stubborn, we chose to not let the enemy win, the previous night, so many tents leaked badly, meaning that lots of peoples stuff got sopping wet and they had to sleep in the social area, my youth group all managed to stay dry, but there were a lot of people with big puddles in their tents. So, when it came to worship that morning, we worshipped loud with over 100 voices singing together as one. We sang of a great God that fights our battles for us and how the enemy had been defeated. There was a moment where we thought limitless festival was going to have to be cancelled because of the strong wind warnings, but thanks to everyone's prayers and the incredible team, everyone got moved to the cow sheds and the social area to sleep the next night. Basically, the wind warnings were too strong that it was against health and safety to keep everyone in tents, so we all got separated into girls in the social area and boys in a big cow shed. Day 4 was a bit of a crazy one because it basically meant that our morning seminars got moved to where lunchtime was because everyone had to get packing down their tents and moving their stuff around the site. For us ladies, because the social area still had to be used during the afternoon, all the girls of every youth that came, had to shove their stuff into one corner. For the boys it was easy, the cow sheds they were sleeping in may have stank, but there was a lot of space, so much space that it was used for the catering area for people who brought their own food. As well as having a different time for our seminars, the weather meant that a lot of the afternoon activities couldn't happen because some were outside activities, this also meant that most people were in the social area making it difficult to have inside inflatables on, all this made the afternoon a little boring, but the day was still good. 
Once we finally separated into young adults and youth, we had a woman called Rachel Gardner come in and preach to us about 'identity' and it was a good preach. For me it was a lot of just reassurance of what God had taught me over the last two years. In 2017 I got to a point where I really didn't like my body, but it quickly past when I started reading my bible more and found my identity in Christ. So, this preach was sort of a reminder that I can always rely on God for my future and best life.

Phil Knox came to speak in the evening, he is the guy that spoke on stereotypes and trash talking the stereotype that young people don't go to church. As I said at the beginning of my story (part 1) his main points were telling us to look up, speak up and step up.  There were so many things in this preach that were so enriching. I guess that all the preaches that were spoken over Limitless Festival were real eye openers for me, it’s like I'd heard it all before, but never actually listened and told myself that I needed to apply it to my life. This year at Limitless Festival, all of it has really stuck, and I feel closer to God and like I'm able to feel him and be with Him all the time, no matter what I'm doing. Everything that was spoken at limitless festival was inspiring, encouraging and enlightening, I learned so much.
The last late night worship, there are no words to describe this night, it was so, beautiful and wonderful and, uh, so empowering, there is no way to describe it, it was pure worship, the few people in the room singing of how wonderful and glorious the Lord is. The thing for me that night was just the utter peace that consumed me, I had hit a point where I was like, "Lord, what's next? I know there is so much more than this." I kept on saying or singing over and over, that there is still more, we can still go deeper, there is still more, Lord you're not finished yet. Because that was the thing, so much had happened, we had seen so many amazing things happen in this week and it could feel like we had reached the peak of what God had for us, but we hadn't, haven't, there is so much love and joy and so many more places to go, there is deeper water and deeper and better plans that God has that we are nowhere near, we have, not at all reached, all of what God has for us, so I kept singing to the Lord that I was not satisfied yet, I need more, I want more because Lord I know there is more. A peace and joy fell over me, a flame inside of me that would not be extinguished easily.
The late-night worship went on for so long, way longer than it was supposed to, there were only about 13 people left in the room as we were finishing. As they started finishing worship, I stepped to the back of the room where there were a few people sitting on the sofas chatting quietly or resting, I decided to sort of rest in the peaceful presence of God, so that's why I stepped to the back, but that left about five-six people at the front plus the 3 people on band singing praise to God. After worship, the band leader decided he wanted to pray with the people that were left worshipping. I was going to go over there and pray with them, but I felt the spirit keeping me at a distance for a bit, so I sat on a chair in the back, listening to the prayer from a distance. As they were coming to a finish in prayer though, I felt like I needed to share what this evening had been for me, so just as someone was finishing there prophesy over someone, I quietly walked over to the prayer circle and shared that the 'Lord hasn't finished yet, we may feel like we have experienced all of Him, but there is so much more of Him that we have not even began to see.' It's always a great encouragement when someone adds on to what you have said as well because then you know that it meant something, so one of the leaders in this prayer circle added onto what I was saying, that he too, felt similar, that 'this year is the year of revival, that there has been something happening in the atmosphere this week, in these young hearts, these young people, that they are going to stir up revival in their schools and homes and young people in general.' This is exactly how I had been feeling over the whole of this day, that God is stirring our hearts for the broken, for our non-Christian friends, for our family members, for our whole schools, that this is a broken world in need of a God. One of the things that Phil Knox was saying in his stereotype preach was that we have to trash talk the religion story and start talking about the relationship story. Having a life with God is not a set of rules telling you what you can and can't do, telling you what you have to do, but having a life with God is a relationship, it's knowing that He is always there, it’s being able to trust Him with literally everything, its having a love that will love no matter what you have done or will do, it’s having Him always stretch you and help you to grow, having Him always ready to listen, a Father with His arms always open, a king and saviour and a new way of life; Living with God is new life!

Limitless Festival day 5.
Today was a great, but sad day, it was sad because it was the last day, but that is also what made it special.
Morning worship was back in the main venue because they had managed to sort it out after it flooded. It was a wonderful time of powerful worship praising the Almighty before we went to our seminars. James Aladiran was speaking for our last day, he is an incredibly anointed speaker. He spoke about spiritual warfare, it was another preach, where it was not anything specific that spoke to me, but little things he said that I could agree on or know that I needed to apply to my life, a great preach full of ministry and learning. I went up on the call to respond because I know that I need to get out there and act, take hold of the sword, the word of God and use it in my battles. Using the bible rather than just reading it, is something that I struggle to do, but God is slowly teaching me how to not only read it but use it and let it teach me and show me how to live.

The evening was another excellent night of worship with the guy named Mike Nicholls talking about anxiety. I do sometimes get small anxiety, but I've never had a major anxiety attack or been majorly anxious. Mike's preach was more focussed on people who do have anxiety, but it was still great for people like me who only have a bit of anxiety. I didn't go up for the call to respond, instead I waved my arms around in worship for all the Lord had done this week. By the end of the night the whole room was alight with joy jumping around in worship and raising a hallelujah to the one who saves.

As I said at the beginning, there was no late-night worship on the last day, so instead I went to the silent disco. My whole youth group went to the silent disco and so did my friends, it was a load of fun. The theme of the silent disco was DJ requests, so there were some banger songs and then occasionally a song I had never heard in my life, but it was exciting and jamming and a good ol' party to finish off the event.
We slept one more night and left early the next morning.


Limitless Festival was such an indescribable event. I mean, I've tried to describe how immense it was, but I've hardly captured the half of it. I am so ready to start back at college. Since being home, I have done something every day to connect with God, even when I don't feel like it, I will read my bible or listen to worship music or colour in my devotional or written this, reflecting on what God has done for me over the years of life or I’ve tried to do anything to connect with and be with God each day. I am moving forward finally, and there are so many more storms to come, but with God I know the seas will come to a still. God is so so good and I pray for everyone that was at limitless festival this year that they will set their schools spiritually alight and that we would all bring revival in 2020, starting from now.

BeeBee

xxx